blogbovine: Silver Screen Skeeter reviews "30 Days of Night"

Well, it's been awhile since I been to the movies on account of I been lookin' for my cat Frodo. But now I done give up on him. He musta wandered off to some other abandoned subway station.

It left me real low down and broken hearted, loosing that dang cat. I only got him cause one afternoon when I was singing Hank Williams tunes on the grates near the Virgin Megastore, a little old lady come by with a box of kittens and she got hit by a bus. Them kittens done scattered every which way and I wound up with one.

Having a little kitten was a tower of work and care, but I said to myself "Ol Skeeter, you gotta feed two mouths now!" And it weren’t regular cat food like the kind I usually eats neither. Cause there wasn't nothing too good for my Frodo. So I bought the special kind with low ash and all, seein' as it's better for a wee kitten like that. But since Frodo up and gone, I switched back to the ash kind. That ash flavor grows on a feller and I didn't like that low ash kind too good.

Anyhow, I took the money I saved from only having to buy for one and I went and seen me a movie. Lucky for me all that cat urine in my jacket gets me kinda high, so I didn't have to buy no hooch neither.

I seen that "30 Days of Frights." It was in a real dark place with lots of snow. Then a bunch of Arkansas hobos came swoopin' down on the town and tore it all ass from elbow. I ain't never seen a hungrier, ornerier bunch of hobos as Arkansas hobos. So I wasn't too surprised to see them whooping it up and causing a ruckus like that.

But they sure talked funny. Maybe it was them fumes from the cat pee, but it was hard to understand them. I guess that Arkansas accent is getting weirder and weirder with all them illegal immigrants coming in from China and Switzerland and Zaire and whatnot.

Anyhow, them townspeople, they creeped and crawled around as long as they could till them Arkansas hobos left town or got them selves killed, and since they done their best all them 30 days, I gives this movie three wine bottles out of five.