Silver Screen Skeeter Reviews "Enchanted"

Come November I like to go and get me some turkey, taters and cranberry sauce at the homeless shelter. Folks all around does their best to toss some coin at us and then forget about us so they can keep on buying caramel pizzas and electronic gadgets and still feel good about themselves. So we eats for free!

Well, a feller in the shelter was a Canarsie Indian! We hit it off real good just like in the Pilgrim and Indian days, because we didn’t put no stock in private property. Who’s to say this subway grate belongs to any man? I got as much right to sleep on it as you do! And you’re welcome to join me whenever you’re hankering to. And old Lenny, he agreed. So we hit it off nice.

Anyhow, after we ate out free Thanksgiving, we had a little scratch saved up since we didn’t have to pay for nothing, so me and Lenny, we went to see us a movie.

It was called Enraptured. There was a cartoon princess what turned into a real life girl right here in New York! It sure was fun to see that princess wander around some of the places I like to pee at night when nobody’s around.

She got chased by a mean witch. But the witch had nice bosoms. And the holiday Daddies who were sitting behind us kept whispering "She’s a real milk." I didn’t understand what they meant, till Lenny told me they was saying "milf." But I still didn’t understand.

Well, me and Lenny, we was drinking cranberry sauce mixed with paint thinner and right about the middle of the movie, Lenny started feeling bad about how all these white people took all the Indian land here in New York. Suddenly, he stood up and shouted I was cheating him out of his fair share of "fire water."

I said "Lenny, this ain’t fire water, it’s cranberry sauce and paint thinner!"

Then Lenny called me a liar and hit me over the head with his popcorn bucket. Them little kids started cheering and hollering but their moms wasn’t too happy. I thought I saw some dads laughing though.

Pretty soon, the ushers came and chucked us out on the street, so I didn’t see the ending. But that queen had nice bosoms, so I gives this one four out of five wine bottles.

Enchanted (2007)

Starring:
Starring: Amy Adams, James Marsden, Idina Menzel, Susan Sarandon, Patrick Dempsey
Directed by: Kevin Lima

Silver Screen Skeeter reviews "30 Days of Night"

Well, it's been awhile since I been to the movies on account of I been lookin' for my cat Frodo. But now I done give up on him. He musta wandered off to some other abandoned subway station.

It left me real low down and broken hearted, loosing that dang cat. I only got him cause one afternoon when I was singing Hank Williams tunes on the grates near the Virgin Megastore, a little old lady come by with a box of kittens and she got hit by a bus. Them kittens done scattered every which way and I wound up with one.

Having a little kitten was a tower of work and care, but I said to myself "Ol Skeeter, you gotta feed two mouths now!" And it weren’t regular cat food like the kind I usually eats neither. Cause there wasn't nothing too good for my Frodo. So I bought the special kind with low ash and all, seein' as it's better for a wee kitten like that. But since Frodo up and gone, I switched back to the ash kind. That ash flavor grows on a feller and I didn't like that low ash kind too good.

Anyhow, I took the money I saved from only having to buy for one and I went and seen me a movie. Lucky for me all that cat urine in my jacket gets me kinda high, so I didn't have to buy no hooch neither.

I seen that "30 Days of Frights." It was in a real dark place with lots of snow. Then a bunch of Arkansas hobos came swoopin' down on the town and tore it all ass from elbow. I ain't never seen a hungrier, ornerier bunch of hobos as Arkansas hobos. So I wasn't too surprised to see them whooping it up and causing a ruckus like that.

But they sure talked funny. Maybe it was them fumes from the cat pee, but it was hard to understand them. I guess that Arkansas accent is getting weirder and weirder with all them illegal immigrants coming in from China and Switzerland and Zaire and whatnot.

Anyhow, them townspeople, they creeped and crawled around as long as they could till them Arkansas hobos left town or got them selves killed, and since they done their best all them 30 days, I gives this movie three wine bottles out of five.

30 Days of Night (2007)
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Melissa George and Danny Huston
Directed by: David Slade

Them Arkansas Hobos sure caused a heap of trouble.